What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

When a dog smells another dog’s poo or wee, do they then remember that scent for when they smell it again, or even further know which dog they are smelling if they know the dog?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What do you mean son?

What! how could you do that?

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True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

How do I prevent dogs from climbing on my car and scratching the bonnet, windshield, roof and sleeping on it?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

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Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!